How to Have Anal Sex

In this guide: What is anal sex? | How to prepare for anal | How to have anal sex | Best first-time anal position | How does anal feel? | FAQs

So, you're curious about anal sex. Maybe you've been thinking about bringing it up with your partner, or you've got a list of questions you're too embarrassed to ask anyone else. There’s no need to be shy!

More than 1 in 3 people (both men and women) have had anal sex at least once, so you’re in good company.* When done safely, it can feel pretty darn good, bringing novelty, intimacy, and heaps of pleasure to the table.

In this guide, you'll learn how to have anal sex that checks all those boxes; from getting comfortable and choosing the best positions, to lube, toys, and keeping things safe. You’ll also get expert tips from Javay Frye-Nekrasova, a certified sex educator.

Only got time for a quickie?

This page is full of tips to teach you how to have safe anal sex that feels great. If you don’t have time for all that detail, here’s the short version:

• Anal sex means penetration of the anus, either with a penis or a sex toy, for pleasure. It’s one of a few ways to explore anal pleasure, and many people find it feels amazing.

• Prepare for your first time — or 50th. Make sure you wash your hands, cheeks, and toys before engaging in anal play. Relax and get aroused first to loosen any tense muscles.

• Lube up. Seriously. Apply lube generously to make things slippery for your comfort and safety.

• Try out different positions and sensations. You can use a butt plug, prostate massager, or your fingers to explore what feels good. Missionary, Doggy Style, and Spooning are all good first-time positions for anal sex.

• Make anal safe and comfortable. It’s unlikely you’ll get pregnant from anal sex (unless ejaculate were to drip from the anal area into the vagina), but you can get a sexually transmitted infection from unprotected anal sex. Make sure you and your partner communicate what’s pleasurable and what feels uncomfortable.

Anal sex is penetrative sex that happens in the anus (aka butt hole). “The anus has an abundance of nerve endings that can be stimulated for sexual pleasure,” explains certified sex educator, Javay Fry-Nekrasova.

That’s why it can feel so good to stimulate the anal area. No matter what gender or sexual orientation you are, anyone can potentially get pleasure from anal play. It’s not just about penis-in-anus sex either, although that can be wild and exciting. Anal sex can take other forms, like fingering, rimming, pegging, or playing with anal toys.

When you get close and personal with your anus, there is a chance you’ll encounter feces, aka poop. But don’t let that throw you off your game. Here’s how you can best prepare for safe (and fun) anal sex.

Use the bathroom an hour before

You don’t technically have to poop before anal sex, but regular bowel movements will clear out the pipes so there’s nothing blocking your path when it comes down to it.

Try to go to the bathroom an hour or so before anal penetration, as this can help you feel cleaner and more ready to play. And hey, if you notice a bit of fecal matter when you have anal sex, it’s okay. It sort of comes with the territory, you know.

Wash yourself and your toys

“The anus can get messy and there’s bacteria in there that you don't want to introduce to other parts of the body,” says Javay. Wash your hands, between your butt cheeks, and your toys before sex or masturbation. If you’re having sex with someone else, you can even jump in the shower together. Sexy and hygienic.*

What about anal douching? Most men who receive anal report douching beforehand, but it’s completely optional. It's not necessarily more hygienic than pooping before sex and washing your body carefully. Douching can also be harmful if you do it incorrectly or too often, so check out our advice guide on how to use an anal douche before you try it.

Instead of douching, you can also try eating a high-fiber diet or taking fiber supplements to keep your bowel movements regular and your rectum clear, which can help you be ready to go with minimal prep time.

Explore anal masturbation first

If you’re brand new to anal sex, you might feel more comfortable going solo for the first time. Anal masturbation can help you explore new sensations and get you comfortable with what you like before you bring anyone else into the experience.

Even if you’re with a partner, you might prefer to start with fingering or rimming before you try penetration with a penis or large sex toy. It can feel good to use the fingers to play with the rim of your butt hole or massage the soft skin between your butt and genitals. Slide one finger inside you at a time and use plenty of lube.

Consider anal training with sex toys

You can use small anal sex toys, like butt plugs, to get your anus used to the sensation of being stretched. Toys won’t stretch your anus permanently, but they can help you become more aware of your body as you learn what feels good and how to relax during anal play.

If it’s your first time with a butt plug, start out small. “I highly recommend getting an anal training kit like the Lovehoney Boot Bound Anal Training Set,” says Javay. “This set has three different-sized plugs so you can work up in sizes while anal training at your own pace.”

The plugs are also made of silicone, which is body safe and very easy to clean. Not only that, but soft, flexible silicone will feel much more comfortable for beginners than a rigid toy.

Even if you’re a seasoned anal pro, you may still find it useful to dilate your anus gradually each time, especially if planning to insert a large toy or penis. Starting with smaller toys will help to stretch and relax the tissues in this area, making it easier to accommodate something larger, while also reducing the risk of tears.

Stock up on condoms and get tested

Just like any other sex, you can catch sexually transmitted infections (STIs) during anal. Condoms and dental dams (for rimming) can reduce your risk of STIs, but it’s also a good idea to get tested regularly if you often change sexual partners. Stock up on condoms whenever you have sex with a new partner. You could consider talking to your doctor about starting PrEP, if you’re at high risk for HIV, for an added layer of protection.

You’ll also need lots of lube, but more on that below...

Anal sex definitely feels different from penis-in-vagina sex. The anus isn’t self-lubricating, and it's often much tighter than the vagina. With that in mind, take your time and never skip lube.

Check in with yourself

Before sex, do a quick internal check-in. Are you excited and ready to try anal? Are you feeling pressured by a partner? Getting to know your emotional and physical cues around sex is a fundamental part of consent.

No matter what kind of sex you’re having, feeling vulnerable or unsafe isn’t a good place to start — especially when trying something new. Feel free to say to your partner, “Do you mind if we take a minute? I thought I was ready for this, but right now I might need to [cuddle/kiss/talk/try something else] instead.”

Don’t do anything that you really don’t want to do, and if a partner is pressuring you to try something you’re not into, that’s a red flag.

Get aroused

Arousal is essential for good sex. It helps switch off anxious thoughts and relax your body, getting you ready for penetration. This is extra important for anal, because you’ve got muscles in your sphincter that are very difficult to unclench. Like we said, the anus is tight. You’ll find penetration difficult and even painful if you can’t relax.

Before play, watch (ethical) porn, get comfortable in bed, or light some romantic candles, and allow yourself to get in a good headspace. You could try masturbating using your hands or a stroker before you start teasing the entrance of your butt. You can also try deep breathing exercises to help you relax.

Use loads of anal lube

You need lubrication. Lots of it! We’d always recommend lube with sex, but it’s even more important when it comes to putting anything in the anus. Too much friction can cause tearing in the delicate tissue inside your rectum. These tears can be painful or even become infected.

Any good quality, body safe lube will do, but anal lubricant is even better. It’s thicker and longer lasting, which means you go for longer without reapplying. Avoid using pantry alternatives like olive oil or butter, as these can trap bacteria in your anus and cause irritation.

Stick to shallow penetration at first

The average length of the rectum is about five to six inches. You don’t need to fill all that space in order for anal to be pleasurable. Go slowly and stick to just inserting the tip of the penis or toy into the anal opening.

If it feels good, you can go deeper but don't rush it. Being present and focusing on the feelings you get from stimulating the anus can be really pleasurable on its own!

Let go of your inhibitions and any tension you’re feeling by doing a few slow, deep breaths. If you find breathing exercises tricky, let your mind wander into a fantasy instead. The point is pleasure; there should be no pressure to go fast or hard.

Tell your partner what feels good

When you have sex with someone else, talking to each other can be a real turn on. Encourage your partner if something feels good and speak up if you need to slow down or try a different angle.

The partner doing the penetrating should also listen and watch for signs of tension or discomfort, like pulling away or stiffening up. You can always take a short break or stop part way through if something doesn’t feel right.

Consider pegging

“A lot of people try pegging out of curiosity,” says Javay. “It allows for the exploration of power dynamics and role reversals in sex.” Pegging is like anal sex, except it’s a strap-on dildo doing the penetrating instead of a penis.

For men in relationships with women, this is a thrilling chance to feel anal pleasure and ‘receive’, which can be a very intimate and bonding experience for both partners, as well as a way to explore different power dynamics. You can also get hollow strap-ons if you just want to feel bigger or harder for your partner.

Masturbate at the same time

During anal sex, you can explore other sensations to make the experience even richer. Touch your nipples, inner thighs, clit, penis, or other erogenous zones.

If you have male genitals, you might want to avoid masturbating your penis and see if you can have a prostate orgasm instead. A lot of people find P-spot orgasms intensely pleasurable, and totally different to a penile orgasm, so it’s worth a shot! That said, combining prostate stimulation with penile stimulation can also produce a powerful orgasm, and some prefer that.

Try anal sex toys

Butt plugs, prostate massagers, and anal beads, can pleasure your booty in ways your hands can only dream of. Some anal toys are also hands-free, which means you can wear them while enjoying other kinds of sex and masturbation.

“You’re going to want to start out with a petite butt plug,” says Javay. “I recommend starting with a softer material like silicone, rather than metal or glass, as it’s more comfortable.” Look out for a flexible silicone toy that has a slim neck and a large base or handle. Never insert anything into your anus that doesn’t have a flared base, or else it could easily get lost inside you.

If you’re playing with partner, try anal beads during oral sex to layer different pleasurable sensations. Or, if one of you has a vagina, the other can wear a double-penetration strap-on. These toys look like cock rings with a dildo attached. The cock ring slides over the penis, essentially giving the wearer two phalluses; one for vaginal sex and the other for anal.

Check out more anal sex toy advice for inspiration.

Don’t compare yourself to porn

Don’t compare yourself or your sexy play to what you see on-screen. Porn can be a fun way to explore a fantasy before you try it out for yourself, but it’s not real life. You may find that a lot of the anal activities you see on screen might be uncomfortable or even painful to try in real life, especially when it involves hard, fast, and deep penetration.

Porn is a performance. It’s made for entertainment rather than a real reflection of what anal sex (or any sort of sex) can be. So let go of those expectations and focus on just you, your partner, and the sexy, safe time you spend together.

Clean up after

When sex is over and you’ve caught your breath, extend the fun to the shower or bath. You’ll want to wash your hands, body parts, and any toys used after anal sex. Use a mild, unscented soap with warm water and be sure to check the manufacturer’s instructions for how to clean your sex toy.

There's a possibility you’ll find traces of blood or feces on the penis or toy. That’s okay! Occasional, small traces of blood usually aren’t anything to worry about and may occur due to minor irritation. A warm bath with Epsom salts can help you relax and heal, especially if things are feeling a little raw or sensitive.

However, if you experience sharp pain or severe bleeding or you notice bleeding every time you engage in anal activities, you should address it with your healthcare provider as soon as possible.

The best sex position for first-time anal is one that makes you feel relaxed and connected to your partner. Some positions work better than others, giving easier access to your behind. Try these:

• Missionary: The OG. Bring your legs up all the way up to expose your booty as you lie on your back. With your partner leaning over you, try wrapping your legs around their waist. This intimate, face-to-face position offers lots of eye contact, which makes communication easy.

• Spooning: This one is also a relaxed and intimate position where you’re both side-lying, facing in the same direction. One of you is the big spoon (the giver), and one is the little spoon (the receiver). This works when the giver is more experienced than the receiver, as it’s harder to thrust enthusiastically and go too fast.

• Doggy Style: This position, where the receiver is on their hands and knees with the giver kneeling or standing behind, opens the body up for more penetration. But the giver needs to be more careful about being gentle, and the receiver needs to be vocal about what does and doesn’t feel good.

Any positions we don’t recommend? For your first time, you may not want to try anything that’s going to cause your glutes and thighs to tense up. For example, Reverse Cowgirl (or Reverse Cowpoke if you don’t identify as a girl) puts the receiver in control over speed and depth of thrusting, but it can also make it much harder to relax your rear.

Ideally, yes! Anal sex feels good to a lot of people, regardless of their sexuality or whether they have a penis or vagina. It generally comes down to personal preference and how comfortable you feel.

One Lovehoney Forum user, rockstar, explains how they introduced anal play to their partner using butt plugs. “She gradually got over her inhibitions,” they said. “So, when I suggested pegging, she was happy to give it a go. It’s now a very frequent event.”

For some people with a penis, receiving anal sex can feel incredible because of the prostate, which is a sensitive gland that can be stimulated via anal sex and masturbation. For people with a vagina, receiving anal sex can offer a feeling of ‘fullness’ that many people find satisfying.

“People enjoy anal play for a variety of reasons,” says Javay. “Just like other erogenous zones, the anus has a lot of nerve endings that can experience pleasure. It's also enjoyable because of the novelty it provides to so many people.”

On the other hand, Ecksvie says they tried using their boyfriend’s finger, but it only made them feel like they had to pee. “I wouldn't mind trying it again with a plug or beads — something that isn't meant to move around as much would probably be more comfortable.”

Some people find that anal sex is always uncomfortable or painful due to health conditions or extremely high levels of sensitivity. The only way to find out if anal sex feels good to you is to try it – but only if you want to and always at your own pace, in way that feels safe and fun for you. And if you decide that anal sex isn’t for you, that’s OK! There are tons of other ways to explore pleasure. Check out our sex advice guides for ideas.

*Source: National Health Statistics Report: Sexual Behavior, Sexual Attraction, and Sexual Orientation (2016)