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What is a BDSM Dominant?

Published on 06/29/2023

Dominants are the power holders, the ones driving the action, in BDSM play and dynamics.

Dominance and submission (D/s) in BDSM (Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, and Sadomasochism) is a dynamic that involves partners adopting a power differential where one partner, the submissive, relinquishes control or submits to the Dominant in the scene (or relationship). For a lot of kinksters, exploring Dominance and submission is reserved for play and negotiated scenes. Often BDSM play involves sex, but not always. For some, D/s dynamics are a part of their relationship 24/7. In these relationships, the power dynamic extends to day-to-day practices. A person can identify as Dominant (dom/domme), submissive (sub), or switch and there are so many ways to express these roles within play.

For Dominants, there are many ways to hold the power and assert dominance in a BDSM context. Knowing that you are drawn to the dominant role in play is just the beginning. You can dominate a partner lovingly or sternly. You may dominate your submissive by skillfully wielding a whip or your words. Dominant archetypes, styles and approaches are as limitless as the imagination of the Dom. We’re here to share some of the most common domination approaches to help you discover your inner Dominant.

14 Common Domination Styles

BDSM Tops take on the active, giver role in a scene with a kinky bottom. Tops may not identify as a Dominant in a relationship, rather Tops are often the dominant person in kinky sex, also referred to as a Bedroom Dom. Tops and bottoms are synonymous with givers and receivers. The act of topping is doing the kinky things in a scene, rather than receiving them which is the role of the bottom.

Kinky Doms take on the dominant role in BDSM play and kinky with their partner/s. The distinction between a Top and a Dom is that Tops primarily do kinky acts whereas Doms receive power and control from their submissive. Doms can specialize in impact play, bondage, sensory deprivation, character play, consensual humiliation or any combination of kinky skills and are often quite skilled in at least a couple BDSM practices. It is common that Doms also assert dominance in some aspects of the relationship dynamics. Dom/Domme is also the term used to refer to professional dominants who work with paying clients.

Masters and Mistresses take on an assertively dominant role in the relationship and often have long-term, committed relationships with their submissive partners, even if not an exclusive relationship. Masters and Mistresses often require their submissive to wear a collar in honor of their devotion to their Dominant and to use honorific titles when referring to their dominant, such as exclusively calling them "Master" or "Mistress". Masters and Mistresses also can explore Total Power Exchange dynamics with their kinky partner/s. While Master/slave language is still in use in kink relationships, alternative terminology is gaining popularity, such as Total Dominant, Owner/pet or Owner/familiar, in recognition of the unreconciled history of slavery in the US and around the world.

TPE Doms are dominant partners with complete control over their submissive. Like with a Master or Mistress, a TPE Dom’s control extends outside of the confines of scene play. Total domination includes control over many aspects of the submissive's life, such as decision making, daily routines, maybe even finances, as well as play and event protocols. Total power exchange dynamics regularly involve contracts, rituals, collaring, the use of honorific titles ("Master" "Mistress"), and rigorous, ongoing negotiation.

Femdom's subvert traditional power dynamics by retaining and accentuating their feminine characteristics and femininity while asserting a traditionally dominant role in the context of BDSM. Classic Femdoms are Dominatrix/Mistresses and Mommies (including mean mommies) but any dominant who brings equal parts femininity and Domination to their play falls into this category. Femdom can engage in all traditional kinds of BDMS play like impact play, bondage, sensory enhancement or deprivation. Worship and praise, chastity and CBT (cock and ball torture) are also common with Femdoms.

Daddies and Mommies in the BDSM world are caregiver Dominants who adopt a nurturing or authoritative role in the relationship or scene. Submissive partners, aka "littles", in these dynamics take on a childlike behavior ranging from infantile behavior to a studious student, even bratty child. The caregiver's role is to guide, and punish their little as needed to fulfill the desired fantasy. This dynamic is commonly referred to as caregiver/little, aka "CG/l" or Dominant Daddy/litte girl, aka "DDlg."

Service Doms are kinky dominants who prioritize their submissive partner's pleasure and satisfaction. Service Dominants may act on their service orientation through sexually pleasing their submissive partner, or providing other acts of service such as running errands, attending to household tasks or repairs, among other services. Service Dominant may also refer to professional Dominants who provide services to clients.

Sensual Domination is a dominant style that prioritizes pleasure over pain. While the goal of domination remains asserting control over a submissive partner, the means are sensual and tactile in nature and can involve worship. A sensual dominant focuses on overwhelming their submissive’s senses with pleasure and often provide nurture to their submissive in scene play and beyond.

A pet Owners in BDSM are dominant partners who engage in pet play with their submissive partner. Pet play involves the submissive partner taking on the role of an animal, such as a puppy, pony, kitten, or even a pig, and the dominant partner takes on the role of the owner or trainer. Pet owners are responsible for taking care of and training their pet. It is common for this style of Dominant to use collars, leashes, or other accessories paired with commands to engage in play with their partner.

Brat Tamers are BDSM dominants who use discipline to dominate and control their disobedient submissive, aka their “brat.” A Brat Tamer must earn their partner’s submission and may use a variety of approaches from punishments, withholding desired experiences, and creative cat-and-mouse games to prove their dominant stance and “win” their Brat’s compliance. This power dynamic is rooted in the consensual struggle between a brat who breaks the rules and the Brat Tamer whose work is to get their submissive in line by a variety of assertive means.

Riggers are skilled dominants who use rope bondage to dominate their submissive, aka a “rope bunny.” Rigger comes from the nautical term referring to the ropes that control the sales. Riggers are skilled at tying a variety of knots and have a strong understanding of rope safety and techniques to create functional and sometime artistic bondage configurations, as is the case with Shibari a japanese rope bondage technique. Riggers can also assume the submissive role and tie based on instruction from their dominant.

Soft Doms, like a Caregiver Dominant, focus their efforts on affection, guidance, and encouragement. Soft Doms, rather than punishing, inflicting pain or demanding total submission, focus on creating a supportive environment that prioritizes their submissive’s pleasure with tools like praise, gentle teasing, sensual touch and positive reinforcement.

Hard Domination is a traditional domination style that utilizes BDSM practices like impact play, bondage and sensory deprivation to keep their submissive in line. Hard Doms may enjoy inflicting pain in play and can be demanding on their partners, engaging in physically and/or mentally rigorous scenes. Unlike a Total Power Exchange Dominant or a Master/Mistress, Hard Doms do not necessarily exert control over their submissive outside of play space.

Sadists in a kink context derive sexual pleasure from inflicting pain or humiliation on their submissive partner/s, aka “masochists.” Sadism/masochism is a foundational dynamic in BDSM ((Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, and Sadism and masochism). A Sadist employs a variety of kinky tools and types of play from impact play, sensory deprivation, consensual humiliation and the like to create heightened sensory experiences for their submissive that involve pain. Negotiation, open communication and safety words and cues separates Sadism from abuse.

COMMUNICATION IN D/s DYNAMICS

Regardless of the Domination and submission style you are drawn to or participate in, one element unites all D/s play... open communication. It is important for all partners engaging in D/s to agree on the limits of the dynamic and to share their needs and desires. Negotiation tools create the parameters for play, protocols, even relationship dynamics and daily protocols. Think of communication as the tool that creates a safe container for the intentional exchange of power where both (or all) partners’ needs and restrictions are made clear and where consent is obtained and sustained over time.

Consent is at the heart of any type of power dynamic, and it is essential for both partners to give their consent freely. If you’re unclear about what constitutes consent, think of the acronym FRIES. Freely given, Reversible, Informed, Embodied and Specific. This means that consent cannot be pressured or coerced. Consent can be taken away at any time (reversible). Consent cannot be given unless someone fully understands what they are consenting to. If a type of play or protocol is unknown to the submissive, consent must be obtained through a learning process, rather than throwing them into the play or dynamic and trusting it will be ok. Embodied consent refers to the requirement that someone is able to stay connected to their body, in the present moment, and not triggered into a dissociative state by the kinky play or the dynamic they are engaging in. Pre-agreed upon safety words and cues and/or periodic check-ins throughout play are way to ensure that consent is maintained even in the steamiest or most intense scenes. FRIES also covers the requirement for specificity when obtaining consent. This means that consent to one type of play, or on any given day, does not imply consent to other things at other times. Consent is dependent on context. If the context changes, consent can be withdrawn.

A time-tested tool for negotiating BDSM is the Yes/No/Maybe list. A Yes/No/Maybe list can help you share with your partner about the kinds of play you both want to explore. It’s also helpful to talk about how intensely you are interested in exploring different dynamics and Kinky activities and what experience, if any, you have. Staying open-minded while being true to yourself and clear about your boundaries is a winning approach when communicating about sex of any kind.

Debriefs and aftercare are also important communication and intimacy tools that are used regularly in BDSM. Aftercare is often negotiated ahead of time and is an important aspect because it informs the way that partners transition from a D/s dynamic back into their daily life or post-scene interactions with one another. Aftercare can include a range of things like cuddles, or watching a movie; hydrating and making a plan to talk in two days, text messages praising your submissive; or even a hot shower together. Often partners are not in a space to talk about a scene directly following play. Debriefs are post-scene conversations where, much like negotiation, partners can discuss not only what worked well in the dynamic that they are eager to explore again, but also to re-establish boundaries and parameters that will inform future play.

Open, honest communication rooted in trust is essential in any D/s relationship regardless of the style of D/s you engage, how you identify or what kinds of play excite you. Both partners should feel comfortable expressing their needs and desires and be willing to listen to each other. Getting to know your authentic desires and your partner’s opens a world of exciting erotic possibilities.

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